Writing is first and far most pen and paper. Sometimes I go in a coffee shop, and look at people with their laptops and tablets and I get self conscious about not having the things that I feel I need to be a writer or feel writer-ly
Then it came to me there is mobile device, no smart phone, or computer that makes you feel like a writer. The three steps are simple
1. Get a pen
2. Get some paper
3. Sit in the chair and write
If pen and paper were good enough for the masters of the past it’s good for me. As a writer you deal with enough insecurities and self doubt as it is, so you really don’t need to add anything else to it that’s for sure
So what was I getting so uptight about? If I’m honest well it was just another excuse for me not just declaring this is what I do and I just need to get it out there show the world what I can do. If I’m honest it was another excuse to mask the fear of the lack of confidence I was having in myself
If Shakespeare were sitting in front of me now he’d probably pop me upside the head, hold both pen and paper up to my face saying “kid you have all you need right here and up here” he’d finish pointing at my forehead.
Jaded to the blank page
Jaded to find the words
Blank page saying… I’m just that
A blank page
Why are you mad at me for? you’re the one that’s afraid let out you’re real feelings down. I never asked to compare yourself to the geniuses or now if there is such a thing
I’m … just… a blank…. page. The words are in your head, the feelings are in your head
so do something
light a candle
say a prayeR
Scream, yell, jazz the moon
because when it’s all said and done, I’m still going to be here
saying the same thing, it’s up to you, it’s on you to make something out of me… so pull it out
I read in an article on The Write Practice website, a place that I find to be very helpful by the way, it’s not your job as a writer to write the perfect sentence quit trying to . There was something about this little sentence that somehow struck me deep inside.
For the longest time I thought everything in the page had to be perfect, afterall you call yourself a writer right?, and if you want to walk in the hallowed halls of writer- dom like the greats you have got be like them perfect. Perfect in every word, perfect in every aentence, every puctuation and comma because after you’re a writer right? So if it’s not perfect than it’s garbage
What this article went to talk about was this need for perfectionism in writing how everything has to be just right. This is what had caused a many a writers block for me and self doubt oh Lord the self doubt. It told I don’t have to be perfect. I can write terrible I can write stupid make up anything I want to.
Look I am a writer but I am not and I repeat am not a walking dictionary I don’t know every word in the dictionary let alone always know the right word for the right occasion. I don’t need to be the voice for society that can’t express itself. I haven’t read all the classics that is required reading. I don’t go around quoting lines from famous poems and authors what a boring life that would be.
I give myself permission to write crap, champ trash and just plain stuff that don’t make a luck of sense. I give myself permission to not always rely on the muse to come whisper in my ear those perfect lines that make women want to love me crazy. Didn’t work in high school and hasn’t been so lucky for in me in my adult years.
This wasn’t my son, but it could have been my child. I won’t go over how tragic the lost of this little boy’s life is because it’s evident. What has gone wrong in our communities? Why is our children, whom we are building a future for or supposed to building a future for being lost in such senseless violence? Homes broken, fathers as well mothers absent. I’ve no idea if that’s the case in this little boy, but someone lured this little boy into an alley and executed him in cold blood. Someone cut down a life that had a future. This little boy wasn’t my son but he could have been and I don’t even have children.
Tyshawn Lee and other children like him in the world will be in our minds for awhile we will mourn them, get angry and protest, but will it really make us rise and take back the street and neighborhoods of our city? Didn’t we learn our lesson from Sandy Brook elementary just three years ago?
As adults whether we have children or not do we take into consideration the world we’re making today , and how it will affects their tomorrow because it is their future when we are gone.. People the violence has to stop. Fathers you have to fathers to your children they look to you to be an example of strong leadership and provision. Mothers your children need your love , affection, nurturing and guidance more than ever in times like these. Black communities your future is in your hands. You must become sick and tired of being sick and tired of being sick and tired times ten of your homes and places you live being overran with crime and drugs, and senseless acts of violence like this. Do you want to have more Tyshawn Lees?
The day Tyshawn Lee died a future doctor who could have found the cure for cancers, a future political leader who could have ushered new laws to make better the lives of not just a community but perhaps a state or a nation, a future lawyer who would champion the rights of those who can’t fight for themselves and so many other possibilities died with him how many more will join him so unwillingly?
So now where do we go from here? Guns need to be brought off the streets and out of the hands of the people who’ve no business with them but we already know that. We already know what gun violence brings more violence more Tyshawn Lees and others like him. This wasn’t my son but it could have been. Our children the inheritance that we are leaving for the world is dying to know what will we do to keep them safe. God please wake us up to that fact
Often times we pray God move through sweep this city with your spirit. We pray God bless the sick, touch the homeless, heal the land. While on the surface there is nothing wrong with these prayers, sometimes we tend to think that God will by osmosis just go poof instant healing of the land, instant healing of the brokenhearted, instant touching of the spirit to these people, but we tend to forget that God moves through us. When Jesus walked the earth he touched lives that he interacted with from the blind man to the women at the well, he moved with the purpose of God’s kingdom to the souls of the earth. Have we sometimes forgotten that Jesus is on the inside of us. Have we forgotten that the same kingdom purposes that Christ walked with on earth resides in us on the earth.
God is calling for the body of Christ to show his plans and purposes towards the world. We are called to engage Christ character to the world. Those homeless people, the outcast, the dregs of humanity, God wants to heal the land through us who are submitted to his purposes in the earth, and above all that is the love he has for mankind. The way that world can see Jesus is through us, through our acts of love, the lifestyle that we live when we talk to people and engage people. Jesus said we are the salt of the earth, but wrong attitudes and being clannish towards the outsiders can cause us to lose our flavor.
God could be asking us are you willing to be my eyes, ears and mouth in the earth. I have put my word in your heart and my spirit inside of you will you go to nations and show my truth, will you be a friend to friendless, were you willing to be my vessel, are we in response saying Lord hear am I send me?
The blank page don’t stay blank forever
What needs to change about how I approach writing? As much as I hate to do this I find that well I am actually going to have a schedule to make time to carve it out and plan to do it. While I don’t have a family or such to distract me from writing. I can’t write without structure any more. It actually had to fit into my daily regiment like going to work and exercising. Because if I don’t set some goals for myself then I’m just not to have another year of nothing really getting done and I don’t want 2015 to be another wasted year of not putting myself out there. The days of having a fantasy patron or a patron period is long gone, while it would be great to take six months off of paying bills rent and other responsibilities that’s just not going to happen. So discipline here it comes. Also with these goals must come a plan. Take one project at a time and spend time with it. Structure what a word but what writer doesn’t have one. I wat to see my name on a book or a screenplay sold, and dreaming about it not going to get it done